- 1 totally rad friend
- All this stuff
- 1 episode of House
- Any number of updates from home and funny stories about your amazing boss and horror stories about private tutoring experiences
Step 1: Gather ingredients.
Step 2: Start making the pretzels. Deliver the update about your brother's new relationship status entirely in a Russian accent. Make pun about how you were worried your parents would think you were "russian into things" with your own relationship. Laugh uproariously.
Step 3: Let the dough rise. Express concern about dough rising. Drink a bottle of kombucha and deliberate over House episode.
Step 4: Watch a House episode in which he is snarky, semi-legal, semi-ethical, and very rude. (Hint: This is not a difficult task.) Discover that House is probably your sarcasm soulmate. But not your actual soulmate because he is really a jerk.
Step 5: Shape the dough into pretzels. Boil them, brush them, salt them, and put them into the oven. Make more hilarious jokes.
Step 6: Check on pretzels in the oven after 7 minutes. Start screaming about how amazing they look and how brilliant we are. Okay, again, but with more oomph this time!
Step 7: Finish the pretzels and eat some. Dance around freaking out because they turned out perfectly. Take a lot of pictures with your phone for Instagram.
Step 8: Chill out the rest of the evening swapping tales and raving about your mad baking skillz.